Horse Racing

HORSE RACING

       During the last few years I have 
discovered a very keen passion for horse racing! My first taste of this thrilling sport 
came on Mothering Sunday in 2014 when my wife and I decided to 'let go' of old admonitions and explore for ourselves just what horse racing was like. Neither of us had ever been to a race meeting before and so, although we knew the basics of what went on, we had to find out more and learn 

how best to get involved. But that was no barrier. We would ask - we would engage with those around us and find out. We would entrust this basic instruction to the strangers we would meet. We would trust life to supply us with the answers we needed.

When I was a young lad – well before my teens, I think - my mother expressly told me that I must never get involved with horse racing. I can recall her face leaning down towards mine as she gave me the instruction. I don't recall her specific reason for telling me so but I can guess it would be to do with gambling. I was only very young at the time. Why my mum chose to tell me this when she did I don't really know. She obviously wanted to drive the point home early on!

In the town where I was raised there is a prestigious race course, the history of which dates back to the 17^th century. I was born about half a mile from this course so whether or not my mum thought it may come to have some influence on me as I grew up I don't know but her concern has stayed with me a long time – I was 53 years old when I finally disowned it!

      There didn't seem much point in going to a race meeting and not taking part. For far too long I've tended towards standing on the side lines watching my life go by – instead of engaging with it - in deference to one exhortation or another. This time I determined that it would be different. My wife and I had gained a basic knowledge of 'betting to win' and 'each-way betting' from a friend of ours, prior to attending the race meeting, so we weren't completely green on the subject but we found most people more than willing to help us further when we asked. 

     Many of the bookies on the terraces appeared very hawkish, snatching one's money without so much as a thank you or a smile, greedy for their next punter. But this was not typical of all. In fact, we soon discovered a lovely, friendly lady (who has since become our regular bookie) who, when we explained that we were new to the sport, was more than willing to help us understand it further - and not from any cynical motive.

     So, how did it feel to place that first bet, given the very strong influences that I had been under for so much of my life? Well, that first bet was a small one – a couple of pounds I think - and I cannot remember, now, whether I won or lost. What I do recall, however, when that particular meeting came to an end, was just how much both my wife and I had enjoyed ourselves. We had both won about £30.00 each and had had a great time – so much so that we were definitely coming back!

      During that summer of 2014 my wife and I attended more meetings and experienced the thrills of winning and the lows of loosing. Initially, for me there was indeed a telling sense of guilt, perhaps even shame when I lost but this was not my response to loosing. Rather, it was the response of my elders and so-called betters whose influence I had imbibed as I was growing up and which was now playing out in my conscience as I fell into the trap of responding to their conditioning – and all over what were relatively insignificant amounts of money.

I was even mindful that I may be inadvertently picked up by the TV cameras and seen by those who would disapprove. BUT – and here's the key - I knew where these voices and feelings were coming from and I also knew that they were not mine. I could choose to ignore them. The fact of the matter was that, despite the lows, I actually loved horse racing.

      No one likes loosing at anything and, of course, one is bound to feel some sense of disappointment when one does lose, least of all at horse racing - but unless one is prepared to chance a loss one cannot experience the sheer delight of winning. And what an absolute thrill I find that to be. To stand by the winning post and to thump the air with a clear declaration that 'I am a winner' among the thousands of other race goers present can be pure exhilaration!

      Not for me, in this experience, conformity to the censure of others. I was letting go. This was a wonderful opportunity to engaging with the flow of life. Instead of being brow-beaten by the false conscience of guilt and embarrassment when I lost I found the strength to challenge it. I gained a new perspective and began to break free of the old mind set. I began to see just how much horse racing was becoming a vital part of my journey to wholeness – a truth very clearly perceived and encouraged by my therapist.

 

     During much of 2014 and the first half of 2015 while I was becoming more familiar with the sport the winning and loosing graph flowed up and down but I was learning. I was observing and I was finding things out – about the sport and about myself. Gradually, I became better at assessing which horses in a given race would have a greater chance of winning and my research began to pay off so much so that all my previous losses were returned and profits began to accrue.

      I should emphasis here that I am no big time roller – not by any conceivable means. I believe I am very sensible with my betting and never bet more than I can afford to lose. I also know when not to bet and when to walk away from a race.

      But there is more to this than just the above story. This is not so much a tale of risk and reward, of a one time fundamentalist turned small time gambler. No, there is a deeper meaning at work here which I should like to share with you.

      In making that initial choice to go against the influence of my past and to attend a race meeting for the very first time in 2014, I was rejecting something which had restricted me for decades. In refusing its authority over me I discovered something which actually affords me immense happiness – happiness which has been denied me for such a long time. Christian fundamentalism is suspicious of the emotions. The emotions are what lead us into temptation and sin. In my awareness of CF, so called 'bad' emotions are suppressed and 'good' emotions are idealised into virtues creating little opportunity for anyone growing up under CF's gaze to enjoy a natural emotional development. Consequently, emotional expression of whatever kind can become distorted and subdued. To be able, then, to experience that pure exhilaration when I win which emanates from deep within me and can make me shake with excitement – like a young child – is putting me in direct contact with my core being. I am alive – I feel like I've never been free to feel before and it is so enriching. I have seldom felt that same kind of exhilaration as when my horse wins! My inner being shines! In that moment of victory I am in touch with what it feels like to be truly engaged with happiness in that very present moment of time and that feels so good! After all those years of living predominantly in my head, careful to observe all that has been required of me, I have discovered a means whereby I can let go of all that and be more in touch with my heart - and it makes me shout for joy!

      Without placing a wager, however, I could not enjoy this process as fully as I do. The act of gambling, however small the stake, is the act of participation. For me, where I am on my journey right now, it's about engaging with life, of being available to the flow of life with all its excitements and disappointments. Life is a roller-coaster, a huge gamble in so many ways. Nothing is certain in life but we commit to it and entrust ourselves to it. We trust to one another, we trust to life and find that in the most unexpected ways it lifts and carries us forward.

    

     For far too long have I listened to the risk averse mind set of the fundamentalists. "Better not to chance it, if you do you may lose. Stay on the side lines where it's safe. Don't engage with life. Life is too risky; the world is the Devil's domain. You will lose! You will lose your soul!" But the beauty I find is that when I let go I win. I win because life wants me to win. I win because I choose to take the gamble! Would I have discovered all this had I listened to those cautioning voices on Mothering Sunday in 2014?

FRANKEL

      One of the greatest inspirations of this sport for me, to date, has been the story of Frankel.

      In 2015 Channel 4, the UK television company, created an inspiring documentary about Frankel and his trainer Henry Cecil – The Trainer & the Racehorse: Frankel's Legend - (www.channel4.com/programmes/the-trainer-the-racehorse-frankels-legend). As I watched this beautifully crafted programme about the relationship between the horse and his trainer, I found myself welling up with tears that I could hardly control. Something about Frankel's story resonated with me as I watched the clips of this champion horse and of his incredible ability to win every single race that he had been entered for throughout his career. Frankel was free, when he got going nothing could hold him back. Even when finding himself having to challenge the competition from the back of the field, or being set a task that many thought beyond him, or when all the best laid plans for a race were unexpectedly thwarted, Frankel battled through and won every time! 

     The connection was about strength, about courage, about determination, about tenacity, about never giving in, about the spirit to win against the odds!  There's nothing quite so exciting in horse racing as when the horse you've backed comes up from the rear and takes the race.

 

      Those seeking freedom from the malicious effects of Christian fundamentalism have much winning against the odds to do. It's not an easy path to traverse. We've been denied so much at the start but with fortitude and resolve we can succeed. Something about the story of Frankel touched a nerve in my soul which provided the kind of connection that inspired. We all need that kind of encouragement.

      I seem to have discovered a great deal of liberation and meaning from, perhaps, the most unlikely of sources in horse racing. Each of us must be prepared to 'let go' and discover our own sources of enrichment if we are to reach out and allow our hearts to lead us forward.