LETTING GO

     Over the last few months the theme of much of my counselling sessions, which has followed through into daily experience, has been that of 'letting go'.

      Every day we process a variety of largely superficial choices where we choose either to hold on to or to let go of one desire in favour of another or in deference to another person. Sometimes the rewards involved make it easy for us to let go of a particular preference at other times we may do so reluctantly. Choice is part of our experience of being human. We have the ability to think and assess which choice would be to our advantage or not and so 'let go' of whatever option or idea proves to be less attractive.

      However, in some situations 'letting go' is not so easy, especially where ingrained patterns of behaviour and belief have become the unconscious driving forces behind the choices we make. It is one thing to make a conscious decision to leave Christian fundamentalism, for example, but it is quite another for Christian fundamentalism to leave the one time adherent.

       Depending, of course, on the depth to which one has been immersed in CF, it can be very difficult to not only identify its presence in our thinking but also to disengage from that influence. Yes, it is easy to say that one no longer accepts the tenets, the specifics, of CF to be true but it can be quite another thing to be so easily free of its more insidious hold on our minds. It's quiet control over our outlook could, perhaps, be reflected in our level of confidence in life - to what extent do we harbour fears about life that really belong to where we used to be before leaving the fold? Do we cling to imagined certainties and safeguards which are no longer necessary because, essentially, we still foster a tendency to mistrust the outside world? And how do we accept difference now that we are no longer 'separate' from the world? How tolerant are we of others and their views? Is the bias still towards that old black and white perspective? Are we somewhat elitist, critical, judgemental when we have no need to be?
     It can be difficult to let go of some of the general concepts that we have adhered to for so long, particularly when we are not so aware of their presence in our daily lives.
     Some years ago I came across and ex-fundamentalist pastor (who was actively opposed to CF) berating the shenanigans of a well known celebrity. The celebrity in question may have deserved some criticism but the ex-pastor may as well have been preaching fire and brimstone in the way that he clinically dismissed the poor chap with no attempt to understand what lay at the heart of this young man's troubles. His assessment of the celebrity's behaviour was so cut and dry. He was right and judgement poured forth. Do you see what I mean?

     It is all too easy to carry over these and other old ways of interpreting the world around us into our new incarnations and to allow them to operate unchecked as we engage with our new experiences. This is where we need to be observant, to step back, to give ourselves a little space to assess our responses and how we have arrived at them before we decide how best to proceed.

      Doing this is not at all easy. It is one thing to 'know' that we need to leave CF. It is quite another thing to actually do so, especially when one steps out trusting completely in nothing more than that inner voice telling you that it's time to go - not knowing what to expect outside the fold – now there's a real step of true faith! That we take with us something of the old way of looking at life is inevitable but the key is to learn to identify this and to let it go as we begin to trust in life and engage with the new. On my journey, I have found that disengaging from CF takes time and a very conscious effort. Disengagement tends to operate on different levels of awareness at differing times along the way.

     Trusting to life, particularly in the world in which we live, as we find it – that world which was so condemned by CF – takes enormous courage. We have to reassess all that we were once taught. We have to learn afresh our place in this wonderful world. This can be intimidating to the point where it is easier for us to jump from one cradle into another and adopt a new set of beliefs rather than to face a world - at one time to be shunned and guarded against - on our own. But taking on a new mantle in this way can present another trap where we simply exchange one system of beliefs for another – whatever that may be – and deny ourselves the freedom of working with the present in trying to understand who we are and discover our real selves. I feel that it is important not to swap one identity for another when we leave CF. In doing so we are simply identifying ourselves with another pattern or outlook which belongs to someone else's journey – not our own. It is OK not to know the answers, to accept uncertainty, to be willing to explore – to 'let go' of everything and just 'be'. Maybe your individual path will lead you to a greater appreciation of another faith (or faiths), maybe it will lead you away from a religious perspective. You will only know if you follow sincerely your path and take care not to adopt another's simply because that old feeling of needing to belong to something is pressing your buttons.

       I feel it is also important to distinguish clearly between 'letting go' of and 'ignoring' negative patterns in our lives. These patterns may not always be to do with old beliefs per se but could be to do with unaddressed psychological issues, for example, (no doubt arising from the influence of CF). Facing up to psychological problems can be very painful and it may prove more attractive to seemingly 'let go' of them by shifting one's focus onto something else – perhaps something which offers spiritual or mystical reward in exchange for a letting go of the delights of the body or the persuasions of the mind. This is all well and good in itself but if real issues remain un-dealt with then I fear that they remain ignored and not released.

      Indoctrination is a cruel thing but step by step we can learn to uncover its presence in our lives and uncouple from its influence as we remain observant and willing to 'let go'. On occasions it may feel that in letting go we will fall into a chasm but you'd be surprised how much you are being held by life. I would encourage you to trust life and see how much it wants to help you find your way.